• *hey it’s me, your friendly neighborhood memoirist. 

  • Please understand essays are intended for an audience interested in my storytelling. 

  • Themes are mature, honesty woven within each word, and should not conceived as anything other than an amusing personal anecdote, with no intention besides self-expression as means to feeling healthy. 

  • im like an off-grid jeannette walls. Ty.*


~~~~


“After enlightenment, laundry.”

- Buddhist proverb 


Could pOlYaMorY be a straight white man, aged senior citizen, managing interchangeable associates he uses for money through sex? It had become a bad reality television show for me; an observant weirdo, guilty of being far too kind, and a hopeless romantic - not even in a poetic way, but more so a case of a disordered lost heart. Well, the opposite of trauma is factually triumph; & fortunately, i’m no cookie cutter character, thus, like so many of my Real Friends, we choose our identity out of victim and into victor. 


The most likely candidate to get into a situationship is an improviser. It’s that, “yes and” mentality that’ll lead ya down the rabbit hole. ‘I can do that!’ exclaims my ponytail, the blindingly optimistic gorl who naively tipped her scale heavier on the resilience (yang) of existence (life) than the stubbornness (yin) of selfhood (life). By this i mean, i now know it’s more important to stay true to your own nature (stubbornness) than to work on nurturing your own perspective (resilience).


No doubt- we shared glimmers of great times- when it’s bad i guess it’s not that bad. Like we were stuck in a rainstorm :( but it protected us from the surrounding forest fire :).  I justified so much with emotional arithmetic. When i got striked by their venomous sentiments, i stoically subtracted my pain tolerance to zero, added the instance into my creative writing and illustrative art, multiplied the message into my synchronicity, and divided the content of their personality into pieces i could place as my entertainment, livelihood, sense of partnership, and practice for the Real Deal which i always knew wasn’t him. 


Polyamory in Virginia differs from Californian lifestyles. Perhaps i am the only qualified researcher on this topic, but you wouldn’t be reading this if I wasn’t so. Culture is created from many agreements about what is what. Community is formed through shared interests and morals. The first line of your resume is how you present attraction. As we grow a lil each n every day n night, our intuition works by our sense of Belonging getting slimmer and slimmer in all the places we’ve been. It’s natural; intuition is a dictator, time is a guide. The function is smooth transitions in making our ways in the world. 


Recently, my sense of belonging inflated huuuge. Feeling perfectly in place (physically, egoically, and spiritually) is not the comfort zone we reside in, but rather, the aftermath of shattering it. Shattered like the shards of glass in the homegrown chards from the yard, factory farming at the country club. You’ll find your maximum potential fulfilled in the new appearance of the infinite sky directly above where you broke the boundary of a ceiling as a safety net. Freedom once was when I had nothing left to lose. Today, freedom is accessibility to energize gaining the desires I deserve.


Am i a new-age Buddhist with instinctual desires? 

Am i an admirer of Krishna & practitioner of yoga?

 Do i have a bumper sticker in my living room that reads, “That was Zen / This is Tao”... 

Am i like a jewish american princess trust fund kid from LA who is interested in the lore of judaism for fun because it reminds me of the musical spellbound that is hunk john mayer singing “just keep me where the light is”...

Am i reinitiating my birth-name as a rite of passage to unravel and evolve away from my former nickname, exiting realms in the same fashion i entered them, beautifully exemplifying wholesome progress on a fascinating human journey? 

Yes and, with all these witnesses of my wit, bets are on you(s) will absolutely adore the clean royal robes we don fresh out the washer n dryer, equally as satisfying as accessorizing with yours truly.

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