~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ … ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
My band swooped into the gap my lover left.
Where our daily talks once were, I streamed an album instead. In your absence in the home, I watched music videos. In the void from our routines and activities now gone, I replaced our time following up with my first real love affair - myself in relation to my damn jams yall.
It’s obvious the band this whole story is about, yet, get me right!: there’s many, many more loves of mine through musical arts. Look, it’s as simple as this: i Like a lot of music. i Love my Favorite band. It’s me being Green. And Purple. It’s the stars. And the sun n moon. It’s the best supporting castmates. And the lead(s). We’re the world. We are the self. Interaction. I.
Essentially, my point is while all of my music plays a vital part in the makeup of who I am on the same playing field, this playing extends beyond the brims of where that music can be heard, and into the force deriving their play. Like a halo atop a kippa. lol.
My fandom, the one I know today, really launched around the ring in of the New Year ‘22. It was a pleasant de-cocooning, listening to my poetic narratives in the music I discovered. A deja vu reliving a feeling of this music being important, and still being so; with plenty of new material for my open heart to absorb, and my inspired mind to create from.
Tour dates appeared in my version of modern MTV on Youtube. I had heard of the band Alt-J and specifically liked about 4 songs from them. But you wouldn’t catch me at 3 of their east coast shows hadn’t it been for the 1 & Only Portuguese. I checked the venues, the map, the calendar. I know! Why don’t me n my boyfriend start being (clean) grateful deadheads. I would really have fun. It kinda makes sense. Unique storytelling material. Nothing better to do. Here’s my plan:
Pittsburgh on Friday night. It’s the distance from my house to twin oaks. Road trip! I promise to not be a beatlemaniac this time.
Saturday night is the twin oaks valentine’s day gathering. We can arrive from pittsburgh and hangout with our friends.
Washington DC on Sunday night. Catch that concert, and loop back home.
My bf bought my plan, and i bought the tickets.
We drove merrily, ate dinner, and arrived at the show close to the front. P. tm came out with a specific statement saying they are not the openers for Alt-J, as Cherry Glazerr is, and The Dream Tour is based on Alt-J’s new album release. They are “touring next to Alt-J”. Just so you get it right, because that fact was depicted in how every concert I was at on that tour, about 25% of the audience was present during portugal, and 75% arrived by the start of Alt-J. I missed the Alt-J boat in my portuguese canoe, but boy howdy those fans turned out.
We were in the college town part of Pittsburgh, indoor a theater rather than a bar or concert hall. My most important part was not screaming. I did a good job. I whispered along some songs under my breath, danced slowly with my date, and really began to experience this show as like a church for me. Not a corny ass old ass lame ass church; like me, a cool, fly, down to earth, witch, who casts good energy by this music, loves herself by this music, and believes the revolution i connect in is by sharing this band and, that is an interesting movement i’d like to entertain.
Now a homerun into my admirer status of them, my 3rd concert was all-and-all, excellent. I now always feel 3 elements of myself being at the show:
I’m in my Body~ looking cute,
singing softly on parts of songs as an incantation,
hands up and clapping in sync with the performers,
with my partner.
I’m in my ego~ It’s whatever day of the week it is vibes, and seasonal feelings from weather, to memories, to sequential/momentary and clockwork time.
There’s my latent tension going on from imbalanced moods and generalized existential oddities via my partner and and my jobs and my dawg,
And the pleasant day-to-day thoughts I'm on, concurring in this awesome setting.
Then, I’m in my Soul~ accepting guidance from my songs,
making mental notes of the art and stories I sense here,
seeking truth in the concert like a tarot deck & understanding meaning in the frame of the night.
I’ve woven careful and intimate connections in the notes between every line, not really an imposed choice, but more a natural association game I come to know as I simply decorate my audio scenes with what feels good. It’s the value I elect into a free existence.
The twin oaks Vday party was pretty fun. I showed up to dance. It was actually my start at the commune where my high bodily-kinesthetic intelligence became obvious in the form of dance. Sure call me a bragger but it was in trying to land the attention of a few crushes including paxus at twin oaks gatherings that brought me to life in that way. I just feel the rhythm; no classical training, I know intuitively how to dance in a way fantastically correlated with the music I’m into. My interpretive dances are storytelling; it’s a mind attuned with a fit-for-it body. Musicians are inclined for the language of song; I have it in my dancing. Ty.
I have had red-eye coffee in New York City stronger than the molly at twin oaks. Plz clap because that is one of my top 5 favorite original jokes from my last 5 years.
Washington DC & round 2 of Living the dream tour Peaches n Cream here we come! We had a leisurely sunday and got to the show, my 4th one to date, on time for the opener. This night was of course magical, officially becoming the running theme of my involvement being the band’s undercover brother.
I began to really relate with Zoe, the band’s vocalist, tambourinist, and female. Her mannerisms as a performer speak to me; she feels soft, like an introverted character. Following my band is comparable to watching a movie wherein the music is representative of the actual reality the bandmates live in. Very authentic, therefore respectable for truth as artistry. To me, Zoe’s image is perfect; an indie aesthetic gone pop-ish but still leaning towards punk. Her role on stage - the classic red solo cup tip to the audience in initially gracing us with her presence, and the vocal demeanor which is sensibly truest to herself, rather than some gimmicky singer. From Alaska, she’s been with these guys the whole wild ride. From the grimy dive gigs in Montana, all the way to the reputable fine artists they grew up into.
The pieces of myself I understand from being a fan are placed by the influence each band member represents. I feel at different places across many times, the aura I embody come to be a reflection of how I view the band’s individual personas. Like I'm~ Jade. The Kristine…
if that makes sense, and is okay to ‘copycat’ or be an artist by imitation, hoping it’s seen by anyone as a free fairtrade for the sake of building community.
Heroes can be made of anyone. Could be your cousin, a fictitious person you read in a novel, even an organization or entity that activates a cause you believe matters. My blend of what matters is the rosy cove I’m in every time I turn on my damn jams. Because of my carved significance created in befriending air waves… idk, i was born this way.
The next stops on the tour were not on my schedule. Out west, plane rides away, so no possible interest in going. But! Their return to the east coast would have the month of March between our next casual encounter. I went to boonies PA and, DC the midway point between my house and my bf’s commune. Now, home sweet home Philly, let’s gooo!
April I bought VIP tix. Which got me a poster, and priority seating in the standing front pit. This was the largest venue we’d seen them in yet - a place with a large lawn, stadium seating, and where we stood smiling.
At this one, I will never forget the brief and exceptional shared glimpse between my foremost celebrity crush and I. My bf and me were there at 5:30 and Cherry Glazerr went on at 7pm. It’s just me dazing, and pax is holding my hip in one hand and scrolling his phone in the other. Suddenly out of the blue, I see my bandmate lurking behind the stage front, and we make eye contact. At the precise instant our eyes met, without a thought but with a bewitched pull, my hand sprang up, just to my chest not above my head or anything weird, palm facing forward, like a lil native american, “Hau”. (Hi.). My eyes darted away; it was very powerful for me, & surprising like the instance was a simile as a sneeze of ecstasy sparked by a super sight. I instantly felt like a goofy fan who prolly was a dime a millions of dozens. By the time my googly heart eyes glanced back slyly, he’s disappeared, as intriguingly mysterious as he came forth.
That show ruled! I like when they cover that iconic Nirvana tune, but it’s like why is everyone’s phones out recording this one, when a better song is Senseless. When they cover Pink Floyd, I love that “we don’t need no education” riff renditioned superbly. I learned I’d seen this exact setlist twice before, and that a band’s job is just like all mine, doing a similar style again and again. Nonetheless by any means, it gets cooler each time, & my all-around love for everything within this experience grows taller, and how my own philosophical embodiment deepens by my live-music meditations. This would be the final booking for us on The Dream tour, closing me out to 5 shows in total (so far). At every finale, we bolted, peacing out with the portuguese. Sorry Alt-J, but subsequent my Favorite act, that’s all, folks. My musical fulfillment is adequately taken care of, my mission complete, and my feet leave as The Dreamers Tourist.
I wouldn’t then know the next time we’d be in town together. Which was synchronous for our now correlated paths. I was up to par with the band; as they pretty much had their story told right up to that day, too. Like, no news on the band’s website forecasted their next concert, or any upcoming new music, or the direction the industry would steer them in. 2022 was the year of ‘What, Me Worry’, a satisfactory sequel to Feel It Still, and a matching track to my personal life at the time (more on poly drama later). Being a number one fangirl means, my reality unfolds one day at a time, with a unveiled relationship to the band, perhaps not in “direct” ways but certainly in the myriads of poetry in motion I exist as. I know, I’m just born this way. Thx.
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