4 My Fans

I’ve been scrolling through my past timelines and diaries, reminiscing fondly on how good memories are all I have. I mean, I only make positive expressions of my heart, and that’s reflective in my poetic narratives and photography. That’s the key to enjoying life - create the joy you wish the world to be. Be the reason you believe in Life as Love. I got uplifting messages early in existence and pursued them in my journey. Now, I have bouquets of heavenly material to carry me through this walk of breathing time. 

I’m still out of what to say. Is there anything left to tell? The universe takes care of my nature so I know I am in good hands. I’m racking my brain for what to write. I have shed my scorpion cloak to a new condition; I am proud to declare that all I’m doing is waiting for my new apartment to come through. Until then, it’s nothing for me here. Yesterday I said this. Now echoing myself like the polly parrot bird owl I am. When I am settled into my new place, the one that belongs to me without any housemates, I know what/who is coming to me. What’s sad is that my partner was trapped in bad karma cycles; not from being inherently a bad guy, but within a busted system knotted to hurt people. What’s happy is that endings are not always illusions; real finales come to those who declare themselves to be a blank slate, severed from past strings. I’ve done the Heroes Journey several times; and can assert that my calling this time around is to be a Good Witch by obtaining my own desires, desires which correlate with those of my partner.

Lest we forget that my connection is still endowed to my Ventura Beloveds. That coming to fruition is less clear, but I trust when the timing is right, my instincts shall deliver me back to the great fortune of belonging there too. Still stalking, as a guardian angel, until we meet again. And totally comfortable and confident at the leisure pace that we agree/d on becoming really together in. What’s meant for me is always on point. 

I miss what living in a relationship was like, minus the warrior aspect of what it was sometimes. My relationship is eternally relevant, it just takes shape as this for the time being. Yet, I yearn for the shared physicality, the conjoined minds, and interconnection that is what I’ve truly been blessed in having received through knowing my partner(s).

Ophelia. The cat! She is one of the best pets anyone could imagine, including my childhood bunnies Oreo & Sugar. Fifi is her nickname, and she was born around the fourth of July last summer. A very playful kitten. Like me though, she is sensitive to touch. If she is laying down, and I go to pet her, she scurries up and moves away. I relate to her desire for being left unaffected by goodness knows what. With the only exception being the warm feel of my partners, I detest when people touch me. It assaults my angelic body, probably has something to do with the way I was brought up, and I don’t care. This is why she is a good pet for me. I don’t wanna bother her and am perfectly at peace with her uncuddly demeanor. I don’t need her fur, or the interaction of petting therapy, to satisfy something for me; I love her exactly as she be. I like keeping my eyes on her while she vivaciously explores her myriads of cat toys. I like talking with my mom about her. I love having her in all her glory, and respect her pristine instinct to go untouched by human hands. A wild and precious creature, imo.

What else. My mula is en route to me. I’m excited to be back in the economics game after a pause while my $ocial $ecurity manifests. I wanna get a Nintendo Switch Game Console, and connect it to a television, in my sanctuary apartment. I wanna collect video games because they are a healthy and neat way to pass time. I already have all my furniture from my last house. My clothing collection is complete. Much like this journal entry, there is nothing left to get. I’ve got it all. I fantasize about my future often. This is inclusive of the people who populate my thot-stream. I just wanna fast forward after living a lot in retrospect. “Time’s A Fantasy… immortality… is the ghost that haunts like you don’t even know me… sticking together, we’ll be together forever like you don’t even owe me… heavy games… can’t take this back… and the future’s coming fast, now we’re fucked up 4everrrr”. That’s a song about today. Today, a morning when everything’s perfectly… aligned like me 😀.

I’m improving myself. My fans know I have a sweet tooth - literally. My slight misaligned teeth are proof I’m real. Even though I am the Confidence Queen, I still wanna have straight teeth. Even though I’m a bit twisted myself, the time has come for my 3rd round of repairing my teeth. I had metal braces when I could pay for them myself at ages 19-21 (scam on how long they wire you!); But I had to have it because my ugliness affected me at that point. When my tooth grew back mildly out of place some years after the retainer stopped fitting, I was a member of Smile Direct Club invisible aligners. Paid for by my career as a minimum wage telemarketer, I was looking for someone who found me attractive. The treatment worked in about 5 months, and I quit paying the bill, still wearing the aligners at night… until I started sleeping with someone. When I was too tired to follow up with my nighttime set, my tooth morphed back into its misalignment. Said someone I was sleeping with genuinely liked the way I looked, so I never desired to fix what was flawless. But recently, a little voice in my head, wanted to do a minor alteration to what isn’t broken, but really just not perfect enough, in all my humility.  

Now, Smileie is the brand of the invisible aligners I’m onboard with. They were cheap! I only had to ask for it for my birthday, and my family pulled through. Emailing the service providers, I’ll have my aligners due for delivery any day. I’ll wear them as prescribed, and stay diligent with my digital portfolio tracking the progress. This is gonna be the third time’s a charm, and I will stay wearing the retainer happily ever after my snaggle smile has reached its final form. I just want to send the right message -yes I care tremendously about my appearance - it matters for health and wellness! While I properly place “don’t care what people think; be yourself” as a motto I embody, it’s important to act like you do care what people say/see/think. This is optimal balance.

Aight. That’s the latest, my greatest. It’s cold outside so I’m in hibernation mode. Yours boredly, the lady from your ultimate dreams come true <333