Update! Gr8

I go on one therapeutic woods walk, and suddenly, everything changes.


It is now obvious that I’m NOT reuniting with my former partner. I’m on medication for delusional thoughts. Ever since I quit toking grass, I was under a spell; it was a falsehood. It’s not a big deal. This is just the ride. I’ve processed a lot of trauma and: it is the fact that I am done with him. I realize two hours ago, I was writing about inviting him back and thinking that was our destiny. But it’s not. That’s just a stupid idea I had in my schizoaffective disorder. Moving right along. 


I’m not going to delete the previous postsfrom the past 3 weeks because it’s important my readers understand the whole story. The juicy details of this live-action journal show is the content you’re subscribing to. The more I write out about my past, the more it remains in my past. This is powerful healing. My intuitive dialogues have started saying, “okay, now you’re over him and it is not reality for a reconnection.” Again I just have a lot influencing my mind. But I know clearly what is meant for me won’t miss me - and that is my original plan with my Polyamorous Partnership with David, Shana, & Todd.


It’s fruitioning now that my sense of belonging with them comes when my age is 34, and I receive SSDI benefits. Then it’s time for us to unite. That echoes from our magical night at the Ventura Improv Company. My time with Twin Oaks is dead and gone. That is not written in my star-chart. That was just a place holder (so was my ex) for my tie with my Ventura Loves. Those three partners are the only thing that matters at this point in my saga. I'm delusional; I do not honestly have an ounce of missing my ex; It’s all my OG material about how his strongest desire is to die in the intentional community, and be with retarded girlfriends. Great! Now I’m free to embody my own Essence - live with my polyglamorous tribe and pursue our best self. 


I guess I’m confused again. Why am I pursuing an apartment in New Jersey if I am supposed to be with my Loves? It’s pointless because I can’t be in two places at once. If I have my direct deposit, I can live freely with them in the land in which we met. That’s what I wanna do. I don’t wanna hold an apartment of my own; I wanna reside with my people. I know clarity will come in time. I am going to follow them directly on youtube and instagram. I know at some point, hopefully soon when my teeth and the cosmos are aligned again, we will connect in the reality plane of all dimensions. This is my sole/soul wishful thinking. Magical thinkers, I believe we all are exactly alike, 12 years in the making. 

Okay. I’m keeping this update brief. I’m excited for my next era being characterized by closing out my ex permanently, and falling deeper into life with D.S.T. Stay true, young beauty. 


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