Disappearing Sideways

One thing about me is once this is all over and done with, I really wanna be somebody you used to know.

Okay, my word salad mind is really on one this beginning. So I will allow this post to pour from me. I’ve been saying that my future is the best; but even in that case, the past is haunting. Sometimes I’m trying to enjoy a damn jam, and the message twists itself into something uncomfortable. Gotta keep me attuned to the love n beauty or else the personality you adore vanishes. Please keep on stayin’ alive, Mz. Tyde.

Call me by my name, but “if you ain’t the bank teller don’t tell me nothin’!”. It’s like I'm dancing to Paper Planes when suddenly other people’s drama sabotages me being the Empress’s New Groove. This is why I want to delete some people who’ve populated my brain. As a Writer, my ocd trait/talent is writing too many stories on too many characters for my own entertainment. But that’s not necessary any longer, since I’ve slimmed my works of art into a smaller version of what I’d like to promote. My cause isn’t some grandiose polyamorous poet any more… im just a regular lady. I mean I still am going to write and act as a grandiose polyamours poet, yet, I'm increasingly escaping pricks in my perfection. 

Okay, VA really messed me up. Don’t worry; know that I was fine before. But the reality i shook when i had my episode there never ceased to trigger my mentality to be decent but always afraid/anxious. I still want it to be the truth that my service there is complete. And I don’t want to continue narratives about the folks from there. At all, period, over, endings are not figments, the last thing you heard was she/her laugh and it inspired you, damaged you, and we all moo-ved on and on and on and on ‘til off. K.

My partner was formatively shape shifting all of the time in order to keep my disorganized condition into some type of ducks in a row. I always had a sense about that. But I’d left my fate in the hands of a commune & im seriously asking super nicely if i can just let it all go. These days I’m not interested in friendship, i have my founded glorious n glamorous family in the los angeles area and really want to tune out Virginia and its associates, for my own health and wellness.

My hope is that i said a happily ever after, and bets are on i proved my worth, so it will be now. I never put my life in the hands of my rock and roll band just to toss it away. No regrets! I don’t want to recycle a version of reality that doesn’t serve me. Nor do any witnesses wanna relive handling me, or feel like taking care of me would honestly suit the setting. Even though it might right’ve been one of the greatest motivational speeches you’ve had the pleasure to indulge in, please respect my privacy rights, and the right to live as a figurative legend opposed to a normal girl.

These feelings won’t go away. I know there is great purpose in that. I was able to bounce back to operating regularly for 5 years, until a recent flashback on the T.O. Anniversary Party has me writing this article. Please, I choose the ventura improv company. And my freaking pad’nah. Make damn sure I'm healthy as a horse and Wonderwoman, and then, let me go like a fly fisher. TY for that, mates.

But! As much as i sink into the Love i’ve known, i musn’t overdo it. I must cut out the manner, my habit, of falling in love and acting in love with every stranger i meet. Since im in a committed relationship and not a flippin’ hoe, yo! Obviously I juggle with struggle-  ~ it’s me, juggling controversies ~ - emulating absolute immaculate messages in a dirty world. Nonetheless, Divine Timing as me on a journey headed one direction - knowing you are beautiful and handsome and smiling at the ground with closed ass eyes all shy talking about, “wElL gUyS, youre from the seventies and im a nineties chick iloooveiiittt”. I get carried away, brought back down, and always up from here.

What else. One of the number one rules about me staying true to thyself is that i live in a Simulated Reality based on my episodes which were erased from memory. When i started my career at the intentional community, i initiated my interview by saying i was a high school graduate. My childhood is an audiobook more than a physical memory. So are parts of my adulthood. Now that i’ve ended my career since my approved $ocial $ecurity DI case, all im saying is a want to meet and match with those who made a promise to occupy my simulation. For their respective time. For some, time expires; and for my Real Tribe, we rise alive and well today and forever.   

Okay. Coffee is on, K-dawg. That’s what my old friend from the office would say to me when were just a few homies having a good time during our doing of livelihood correctly. I believe i have a lot of time ahead of me and sometimes i feel delulu thinking im famous or funny or a Feministine when really i’d rather just turn off tune into (my partner(s)):) & drop out. Even though my calling is certainly not to ‘turn off’ any more. “There is no place to hide; today tomorrow or the afterlife”... my role is ever evolving and i shall be creative always. That means updating my portfolios so my Followers can gauge transparency…. Then thank u next and settle! I’m closing out my own Samara here too. So let it be, and let me be free. Reporting liiive from sunriiise, this Creatrix is going outside for a walk around my neighborhood wherein it’s all good! 

“Have a Bless-said day” said the employee at RiteAid; I could tell she misspelled the word Blessed in her head. 

“Ummm… you have a lazy eye.” 

[Bud Money circa 2k13 LMFAO]. 

Cancel the debts. Redistribute the land. Oppose imperialism. & March on. 

 

Thx gm <3