Word Salad 2

“in True Love no dealbreakers… strikes tho.”

-jade etcetera tyde

I tend to make people fall in love with me through my art. This is my natural mode of operation I’ve known my entire life. Lady Gaga, I was born this way. On the right track, when I moved to the “world stage” that was the twin oaks intentional community, I was clear in what I was looking for - It all. Work/Life balance, professional and personal, and most vitality - partnership. The partnership could’ve taken many shapes, as open minded/hearted as I am. This promise land of sorts was the fresh start my soul had to experience. Upon landing in the farm hotel, I kept marching to the beat of my own drum as a tall dark and handsome poet. Sometimes, rejection is a form of acceptance. I learn this again and again as I carry on forth.

My creative expressions were well-received. Not every piece I created was an A freaking plus but not every side of the real me is rated PG. My messages were understood because even though I was always kinda unsure about reality, I abided by the 3 rules of standup comedy - be yourself, do your time, know your audience - and that is always going to be enough. That's me exemplifying trust in myself and the universe. Fortunately, even under the guise of a fishbowl commune, everybody there knew enough about the world beyond it to really get the content of my character. Increasingly interested in me is how I had everyone there. So when my judgement day fell on the backyard anniversary gathering, all I did was proclaim the essence of said character.

Well, I am quite alright. It will all be okay in the end, and if it’s not okay, that doesn’t mean it’s the end, it just means there is more time left. The popular memoir The Glass Castle taught me that we recycle our narratives to shape our emotions to be fine, ongoingly, without tangible finales except funerals. Nowadays, the more I listen to my own themes and rulings, the more evident my destiny becomes. The popular self-help book The Power Of Now says that in releasing the stories you keep, you enter a state of freedom within the mind. My intention lately is to blend both of my beloved ideas in the same scene. While I have done this long time, it feels most relevant in order to really represent myself in the Partnership meant for me between my Twin Flame & I.

Well, professor poet priestess, we had dealbreakers. We fighted our way to decide to end our togetherhood. Too many strikes I calculated, just for the sake of the art it’d spark. Dating a creatrix is a wild ride because She really will internalize her suffering and transmute it into something beautiful. Not everything that is beautiful is pretty. Remember that. By this I mean, diamonds in the rough and lilies in the mud. I have encapsulated a spirit of a monster so I relate to being raw thus beautiful, but that is unpretty because composure is what qualifies true Good Aesthetic. As Actual Aphrodite, I have come to know a lot on the constitutions of a healthy heart & brilliant mind. As an intellectual, know that innate balance has me equally a dumbass, occasionally. But that’s not me being special; that’s everybody (almost) [maybe, maybe not].

I am just a mirror, a vessel, an object experiencing humanity. Subjectively, my entire vision revolved around one relationship. Get me right - One. In Many. Dating a commune while I pursued my independent livelihood was a dream come true, and hell. I suppose I’m ready to settle where I’ve let it go; I was frozen. We went through all four seasons several times and I had effectively been stabilized in my Lindenwold Life which I now have grown to know as a mere gateway to better levels of existence. I always thrived in survival mode, staying true to my dual diagnosis of an uncharted bipolar person. But since my record has gone on the books by winning my rewards of SSDI, it’s like everything you see is full of perfect sense. After enlightenment, laundry.

It is like a kink for me to be a full fledged, ideal Queen. I love feeling like I run my life according to my own intrinsic desires. That is to say it feels damn good to know what you want, and score it, because you earned the right, through your own lovely doings. I advise folks to nurture their nature because that is the Soul At Play. I studied and learned much during my “manic episodic” walking talking breathing time. And I still listen to a lot of timeless material which fuels my every wholesome action. Because I can’t stop, won’t stop, the groove in these moves. Once you discover a spiritual song for yourself, streaming it twenty four seven is the only mode of operation you oughta be manifesting. 

A reason I didn’t have a crush on Tyler, 25, wasn’t judgemental enuf to be because he was only 5’11, but because when his Jade-dar (radar lol) went off with me he said, “jade, you tell me what to do too much”. Listen boi, it’s Professor Tyde to you and if you wanna be Twinsies with me and your curly black hair, you better shape up because I want a Man. Alas, not every classroom acquaintance is meant for forever, even if you meet upon the premise of forever. We were certainly written in each other’s star charts for the time being, acting as guides for our friendly but different paths. I was overly sensitive about trying to be nice (ladies, problematic!) but when the walls I protected in my ego collapsed, real talk had this teen talkin bout “i am looking for adventure! Excitement! Projects in which my artistic heavy soul psychotic girl can express all over the world!”. Luckily, my Truth resonated like a schumann earthquake, and i got exactly what i wanted.

I almost always get my way. No, I wasn't a silver spoon kid, I’m rags to riches, bitches. If I run 3.1 miles in 20 minutes and 43 seconds, my best time is because of me. I earn my inborn glory daily. Yes, I’ve been growing up with all my essentials taken care of ever since I was born in Camden NJ and again in Ventura CA. It’s actually not like one spot is the american ghetto and the next is mansions and luxury, it is that “where ever you go, there you are”. Lateral moves in ‘Babylon’, most of the land I've been in is just a capitalistic structure. Well, my dad always made sure to educate us in some way which deviated from the norm. I can’t tell if that guy was being an actor or his mind was all gone. Typical. But he would let us do whatever we like and then go on monologues saying that “Money isn’t the root of all Evil, the Love of money is the root of all evil”. This is why I became an Eastern Philosopher; too much mix ups about how to energize a proper way of Being Here Now. I settled perfectly in place w Confucius getting gigs I liked, working in The American Dream, being from the modern era, disliking the gigs because life is complex, and really just understanding enough to sail me to new chapters on an ongoing basis.

Here is where I reveal that in my direct reality, financial abuse was unfortunately a case. How can on one hand people say money is necessary “to survive”, and then use it in detrimental ways? Destructive tendencies were laced in my entrepreneurship with my Partner. i HATED! Shiiii, slow ur roll jaded… but G.D gosh darnit, more money more problems is why I gladly volunteer to live on a cheap allowance. Freedom is my Number One Hope. When I was hospitalized for being the skinniest person alive and well, the nurse said today you are going to make a craft to take home. My BMI was at the legal limit to be released yayyy and even though there wasn’t a damn thang wrong with me medically, my brain was obsessed with being starved. I was weird but she gave me a tiny pebble, a stone that she directed me to keep as like an artifact for my altar, once I wrote one single word on it. The word was to be what I wanted to gain from my experience. And my favorite color was Orange back then. So I picked up the fine point orange sharpie and wrote capital F, reedom. All being a slave to my own mind and whatnot. After that, in usual fashion, I returned to my reality controlled setting, after a nice quinceanera.

Flash forward many cat lives to when it was happy hour at the commune. Mala won a piece of my soul when she ever so coolly declared in a lowkey philosophical debate, “I thought freedom is when you have nothing left to lose 🙂”. This woman was one a my more closer friends in the community garden. A small hometown hero, if you will. Just in my rose colored glasses, which aren’t disorderly, but rather, exactly appropriate based on the entirety of my Life Story. Well, i was living on the other side down South. We abolished wage slavery there. We had $100% cash for grass, barefeet, I was getting some amazing D, i continually felt like they always had it in and out for me. The OG message of twin oaks can be sensed in those with music for it within their hippie dippy trippy ears. Which i why i matched w my man there. But remember - it’s not just still the seventies. My online portfolios are key in creating our shared beautiful mind making up the unity. That’s really why we matched - because it’s more than just telemarketing, u lil garden hoe.

Anyway, my intergenerational partnership proved that Kri$tine wants ya body, believes in minimalism, and can hold many jobs/roles/responsibilities/powers. Over the course of my story since that dreamy night on the farm (one of many), it had been important to prove my worth. I faced a lot of competition on my way up and down, moving mountains out of molehills, to continually embody the Queen its like my quink being. These days, I am inside a new economic structure. Qualifying for SSDI saved my life because my Quest is on par. All I do is abolish wage slavery, practice my spirituality, and be a Talented Artist. This isn’t surprising, all I’m doing is exactly what I said I’m gunna! No news is good news, haha. With respect to old money privilege and having me sooo confused and disoriented that I Quit Us… idk, now it’s like that’s just a faded story.

I get pretty privileged. Every place I’ve been, with all the people I’m in, I never needed a thing besides my positive energy. Harvey Howard, well, I’ve got to dish out uplifting regard where genius is due. This man gave me an inch & I took off a milli miles. He was my Real Father lmao. Look at this guy, isn’t his Napoleon Complex ideal for somebody like me, just a loser baby so why don’t you give me a better opportunity because magick is reality, young blood, i can smell it in your flesh and bones right here in my home that you are a good fit for my Life. I was in love with being married to My Gym. Anyways, “I can sum up everything I know about life in 3 words - I Am Great.”. That’s stolen material from some king of the intentional community, but it won a piece of my soul so I deserve to have it be from my mouth too.

It. Goes. On. Life has a tendency to be recycled, composted, and vanished. Liquid courage, well, I have experienced only human caught in karma. Call me a chameleon because socially, I find myself reminiscing on the nights done right everlasting in our minds. I blend worlds n words, paint n ball, and realize this online live journal is yet another quiz to prove my worth. I recall Ev.ery.thing. We are replacing my soul to chart it on a calendar after its explosion. I’m not mad! 

“Manie Sans Deliere” was the words i thot i might wanna get as a tattoo to match my sun. This was 6 years before I decided the moon phases matched best. It’s Latin for “madness without confusion of mind”. According to wikipedia and the like, psychologists of the late 1800s coined the term to describe people who were seemingly crazy, but had nothing inherently wrong about them. People would seek professional medical advise like, “I’m here because i hear a voice telling me to write poetry, so i do, and i don’t know why or what it means”. It was people who never fit properly into the molds society kept trying to shape out of the masses; people who had emotions, without a venue or a channel to express them. Lost hearts, and/or an obsessive mentality, sort of I suppose. It was people who were justified in their feelings, but the world had no answer or response for their expression. That’s how psych wards got invented. A place where these folks could work out their eccentric essence. My research really spoke volumes to me, and to this day manie sans deliere is one of my main themes.

With propaganda and poltergeists, it has been written in history from forever that people experience phenomena. That is to say, it is pretty average to undergo an affliction of many ideas and energies in this vast humanity on planet earth and beyond. Schizophrenia is a walk in the park for me, but it wasn’t always that case. Bloody knuckles all over my melodic hardcore hands when I was at Toad’s house, half intentionally half absent, being self destructive on the mail voices box. But even at my worst, people were handling me at my best. That is to mean, I am across galaxies only emulating a message of love and loyalty to Good vibes. Since I lived in Trust & Protection when I was hanging out with Todd, my instincts knew I was in the right environment beyond my intellect. I knew it cuz that was in december when ever since that october, I felt tied to him and his place. Because annihilation IS a form of Creation. I really understand how you gotta pave a parking lot to clear paradise, on a spiritual journey. But even tho i like to think of myself as a modern jesus, I’d be untruthful to declare that I hadn’t had confusion of mind. Because boyhowdy and girlbye, I very confused my entire lifetime. The only clarity I know changes the longer I live. I lost my mind yes and it is all OK since I rediscover it on a regular basis as I keep on being in love with myself & life. Just because I love you, I do want u back.  

Osho is a spiritual teacher from youtube dot org. He might’ve had their own cult in Oregon, but the lore is less important than my personal article about it. I was watching Osho around 2k17ish when he’s like, “Love is not a relationship; it is a state of being. We do not want to fall victim to the construct of love being a dynamic within exclusive people, because our atmosphere is Love. We suffer from attachment; thinking love is a person or place or emotional setting only crushes you when it inevitably ends. You should aim to be free from possessiveness… when you experience love all around, you’ve entered the realm of it, rather than the lower vibration of leeching for it. Love is abundant only in those in love with existence itself, and im preaching that is a secret to obtaining a holy status.”. So i am all, wow i really agree with that. Or even higher, yeah, I really do be like that, all the time.

My episode in California well let’s just say I'm a living legend post that. After my dream, laundry. I would carry a basket of dirty clothes to the laundry mat on my Sector 9 longboard, and that was incredibly skillful. Resilience is the opposite of obstacles. While my mastery of Love is occurs many times in my interesting lifespan, I have eras where I was working on elements associated with Objective & Subjective Luv. What’s sex? Lol, and intimacy, I had a fantastic amount of intimacy with DavidandShana. Beyond my ego, and it was alarming lol and I’m still standing and breathing. During this era of my 2nd generation Twinning Flames, I’m winning more benefits with every spelling I do here. Mornings feel real where my hair hears you swimming beneath. I freaked out with all my friends, it was just me myself and i again, and I just wanna say TEE WHY (TY) did I become a Polyamorist? Cos I’m spellbound bonded, babes.

To a tee, this story is perfect enough. I’ve had plenty of time and space to process my reality and have made proper assessments to agree that I really want to be indefinitely so into us. I learned a lesson about bad news and endings occurring. Not everyone gets semicolons like we do. No, my man never striked me so no dealbreakers there. And ladies, nobody is innocent, I never caused harm to him physically either, it doesn't matter what your gender is violence is canceled please and thankyou. But what we broke was our Loving Connection. Or it expired, faded, dwindled, it started feeling like God was pushing us away. I always make sure to say, “The Universe”when speaking up about my beliefs. Because it feels better to me due to my fears about corruption. But when we enthusiastically ended our former partnership during a two-tire blowout stranded in our car, the voices in my intuitive dialogues were streaming that this is a happening by God. It was God/dess yes, but what gave me the dry courage to leave him when I was pouring manic poison out my crooked mouth, was that I really knew a Higher Power said goodnight. To this, to us being toxic with each other, god saw that we’re in the effin suffering and decided to remove it. My twitter horoscopes stayed in the back of my mind as I drove back to lindenwold fuming in infuriation like a psycho, and it wasn’t me being the hotinpsychotik, or pisstine, it was an anger demon that killed that narrative. 

Healing happens, and it is linear. First of all, this feels redundant to say but it is obvious that my top-prioritized sobriety is un-interdependant on a relationship. Another test I passed, chief. No, relapse is not an option, whether he was with me or not. Like I said, I am deaf, dormant bad habit, not a bone in my beautiful body, phased out, left gone in the ancient past. He might’ve thot since we went thru a breakthrough that meant I’d revert to it, but hell mothafuckin nope! Cleantine, mothalova, my breathing time is contingent upon it. These colors will change, but my affinity for the game of true love the remains the same. With your names still in my brain.

He ruined my nervous system by being solo poly. All i can say at this point, since i really am aiming to reinvent my memories for a shiny crystal gemstone mind, is that meeting me IRL changed his life. Aw, ily, bb. Same here! While I am long time sort of not single due to preoccupation with my ManyLoves, I am very available. This was a construct we really enjoyed being in because it is the emulation of a healthy partnership. Elaboration - i was always dedicating david and shana and todd to the art he fell in love with me through. I bridged that love inside him. We were there for one another, even when he had his own version of many loves to deal with. We loved working at the QuinkFair where love stories were built, especially Ours. So I could always draw my sigils  connecting CA & VA, he could always text a plethora of other people, and we dubbed this a Partnership. We sailed in tides high and low. Yes, there was a tsunami - we are going through a BreakThrough. But evermore, dearest Bae - in True Luv 0.00 dealbreakers; waves and repair, tho.

This morning, let’s build an ark. Leave the little monkeys barking and bitching about what was wrong out of it. Take the unicorns, and the pegasuses. Keep the rats where they are, we liked them for a frame but they ain’t real flames. Bring something comfortable to wear because we will be fit. Or else that’s a dealbreaker, lol i dont want any morbidly obese Snorlaxes anymore on my cruise. You look good. All things considered. You feel fit, this is fantastic call me by the ideas you see fit. Thx! I signed on w an agent! Now that we’ve got our numbers, Love is what we’re playing on under the covers. You are my type. As a typewriter, and tall. We matched irl and I’m holdin (caulfield) onto you. I feel the sadness coming down… we both got better with age. No cheese I’m seriously asking super politely and brightly. We got all the sharp in the world. Now I really want the trauma surrounding cheese to fall off the face of the flat earth. Know that it is what it is, yet, it’s not about what it is, it’s about a deeper message. Come for ideology, stay for the reasons ruling one’s own heart, because the way to me is thru you(s). Okay, that’s 9 pages in so let’s dub this a win. Love my twin! From more than one angle, angelz. Boats, goats, jets, u da best I ever had. Peace.