www.Bitching.

Adele Voice:

“Helloooo, it’s meeee” 

*Devil emoji*

One minute I’m Aphrodite, and the next, I’m a hater.

I’m gonna throw a bit of shade. At anyone stalking me. It isn’t easy being green. Or blue. I’m down in the dumps about being a twin flame. This isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. I kinda wanna tap out sometimes. Guys n dolls, i really don’t like life as much as I like to think I do. David said we are manic depressive, not manic depressed. I instantly related to his big difference, because i know what it feels like to be an emo poet but i’ve fortunately never been too seriously inflicted with terrible things. But occasionally, i dislike feeling like i am “at work”. My ex caused irreversible damage to reality with this concept. Good thing I am an exception to reality since i am bipolar. But a bad thing is that my fit into life after my episode(s) is/was uncomfortable. And im like in fear of vulnerability. I really don’t know what im writing with this one, im just ranting but not raving since i don’t feel good to be here 100 percent of the time.

I’m perfectly fine. Nothing about my status has ever broken me. A symptom of being influenced by “mania” is thinking that you are a super hero. Or like, you believe you are special, above average, gifted and talented, all that jazz. Egomaniac and perhaps slight narcissism would be traits of mine, while I am of the future, past, and present time. Yet, my behaviors and actions prove to be that of a regular artist. My phobia is that I suspect the man I want to be with isn’t an artist. This is why my diary entry tonight is darker than the article I was in the morning. That’s me, the girl with the sun and moon tattooed on her arm. You can tell I’m true to myself just by one look at me. I’ve got stories evident upon my breathing being. And so does my man. But i dislike them! It is as though I can’t even live in the love i live in, caught in the dislike i’ve been in. Uh-oh… drama.

Well, meet me right where we’re at, and start improvising. Take advantage of a great deal because Shana sure as heck did; and you best believe that is absolutely where I wanna be coming from. If it wasn’t for my supportive Half, conjoined in the mind, I’d be an outcast. Excellence for us, we’ve been casted. And I feel like I have a vacancy in my life story, ever since I’ve been going thru a break-through. We’re definitely not in a “relationship” anymore. But the shape it took could be considered an alternative type of one, if you’re in the right mind.

Where I come from, “it is what it is” is the aphorism everyone settles upon. I hear voices that are really there, internally. My intuitive dialogues or conscious stream is taken by my PolyGlamorous Tribe. Track me tho - they come and go in waves. You’ll see on permies.com searching the dating advertisements one morning, only to paint Todd in the next phase. I’m wishy washy with the nature of my beautiful brain I guess. I just feel like my SoulSong is being tested, again. Do you… really desire more than one soulmate? How many responsibilities and powers do I honestly believe I can handle… I get weak. I turn into a Weakling. I am so strong alla time yet even I fall into moments or spells of weakness. This isn’t despair, it is the low part of the ferries wheel ride. Life’s a trip, yall.

Love is two opposite parts at once- it is a choice, and also, it is not a choice. That’s the odd thing about me - it’s from something beyond me. My ego ain’t choosing to reunite with my partner. It’s written in our star charts, it’s predestined, it’s ultralight alignment. So then it’s a decision again. So I gotta man up and start acting ladylike. And like an actual Superwoman, because that’s who we casted you as, youngin’. But I fear that it’ll be wErK. Oh no! I wanna be flipping retired. I literally got my ass a freedom card with my debit account on SSDI. So i wanna stfu and not revert to when my nervous system was hurt in the busted societal system. Love stinked when I was forced to deal with the repercussions of my own doings. I got obsessed with one word - *shanavoice* “Polyamorous, it means many loves”. And it dictated my entire life. Because I promised so. Like I’m saying, I’ve got a hold on my heart but have a difficult experience in all that.

Truth reveals itself over the course of the ride. Can i be an effin b? I do not want to date for money, have sex, do drugs, commit sins, or break laws. If it sounds like using “love” as a lie to obtain something/somebody, it’s shit. These dealbreakers are serious and I’m not kidding or willing to bend the boundaries. A new nonnegotiable for being my Partner is that you must forget about your past utterly. Then I think I most likely can erase it too. I disliked wearing my Jade hat, latently. Surface level, all gucci enough, but below, no. Just no. Because my authenticity was shattered like the ceilings of last night’s paradigm. I apologize for my outlandishness and experience sorrow because of it. I am empathetic, kind, gentle, soft, easygoing, and amiable. “Born Again Californian In A Garden State Of Mind” was a zine I wrote during my line in a song with James from the office. I will be Polyamoroustine as long as I live, that’ll remain the name of my game until the year 3000. It’s gonna be plenty of golden poems to come.

My hope is that this senseless prose illustrates a therapeutic point. As you know, I am very active on X formally twitter. Recently, magical psychics are sliding into my dms. I utilize their guidance. Well, i inquired that my TF has me feeling mixed up, and they responded that’s because he is a fuck up. So I said okay. And they replied, “you must be a Real Twin Flame, then, and manage it with Love.” So I processed a lot of emotionality; and suppose I’m ready for my Destiny. What’s meant for me ain’t being a youth fitness instructor anymore, it’s maturity into newer levels and higher vibrations. That gets proven time and time again. It isn’t black and white, as my thinking patterns are classically colorful, but what I’m energizing during this chapter is embodying my full Selfhood. She is a craefish and people absolutely love whatever’s wrong with me. That’s the beautiful mind I aim to emulate each and every moment. 

I rarely confess my mistakes. Since I'm an optimist I see all my happenings as a positive reason. And I win at personal perfectionism. Yet, I do believe that even at my worst, it’s liiike, it’s not real since I’m set up. Iontkna, it really is weird being Kristine. I have memories issues from my personality problematically causing a catastrophe. This isn’t me being a Cat Trophy, I really felt remorse due to misremembering my own sensory perceptions, and people really sparking negativity towards me. But I'd like to say that I’ve cleansed my pallet(s). My past no longer inflicts detestful ideas into my thots. I don’t want any flare-ups about the past in our future. Make it so you know what pushes my stupid buttons, and leave us out of it. Re-create the best of what we were, just like I re-created you based on my Love for the Sharps and professor Rigione. See, I start off pissed but feel almost as good as Pantera by the end. 

“Apocalypse” translates as not the end of the world, but the end of the self. I heard that on a podcast, and to me it means that while one version of who I am fades away, reincarnation shall have me back and improved. I still hated much of what my Wasband showed me during our 5 year plan. When we were the alpha and omega, ending our togetherhood on our anniversary, I only came to realize over the lengthy course of existence that this is just a human having a life. Which is no fun for me to handle sometimes, being so metal and hardcore in the melody of my mind. New Jersey Voice- it is what it is. Since I’m creative rather than destructive, I turn what it is into something good. And that’s precisely what Imma continue carrying on doing. 

Here is what I wanna do. Throw away your cell phone. Into the ocean. Change your number. Tell all your friends you are busy with your new life. Ignore losers. Reject everybody who isn’t me. Quit being a monster I do not love. Start being your fresh identity with me. Let go of the trauma you sprinkled all over our former partnership. So that I can move on too. Because now, everytime I sense a certain connotation, I shut down. The woman you want me to be can’t be unless you are a proper gentleman. I shut down the system with my health and wellness routines, ever since I graduated into early retirement through social security disability income. Thus, tune out the noise pollution, tune into our Love, and turn up your only personality - the one you build as my significant other. & trust we have a brilliant future with actual people who live in love with us. It’s the new world of Kitchen Table, with me inclusively. Thanks to the courage within my unique life story. The story I’d like to keep on sharing with you, so long as you can get cute and act appropriately. 

Ya kno, i dont know what i know. It’s like I'm all mad here even tho you cleaned up my major mess. Sorry. It’s a little bit like I turn into Zari, but I'm not that far off the deep end with my multiple personalities. I’m Etcetera, not a delusional dog, u kno dat. Oh, Mr. Anchor Partner, the mess I made as the maid, yet, the ways we shine and dazzle on in the aftermath. People were placeholders for our unity to grow. That’s how I phrase it when I feel pleasant. But twist my mood - people poised our unity, all the same. Either way, what I’d like to make clear is that we had a few mini breakups in the lead up to our big finale… and that was extremely annoying. I think you were being an actor of your cause, cause being to emulate your authenticity with me to exemplify your entire life story to me, and, to see if I’d stay and really be there for you through thick and thin. I faced the competition to show you the proof. I always was just like you, to you, if you know what I mean. The way our vocal tones changed into something awful, we really fought tooth and nail to be Polyamorous. So forfeit your old dynamics, and slide into my world: an Agreement which plays out nicely, ideally, wonderful and healthy.

Okie dokie folkies. My message feels at a standstill. Close on an upbeat note. I unraveled a lot of bullshyt in preparation for my role as Actual Aphrodite in her midthirties, and that effort is about to magnify a glorious lifestyle. I’m a favorite of God, and my favorite people populate my livelihood day and night. The only energy I desire is that of my loving partners. And my family, well, see, I'm lucky now because I come from a good biological fam, and these days, I’m well established in my discovered and chosen family. Booh isn’t just some guy I dated; he’s in my Family. Forget about me, I love you. Remember to release your past lives. Please and ty. I’ve got a lot I’d like to pursue witchu and yous. Remember I’m tryin to care about you and just doing the best I know how. Know I feel tremendously cared for by you. Now, let’s celebrate the time and space away which paved our way to unite it total visibility. That’s the power of positive transformation. Going right along with some timeless themes, mate. Gr8. Thx gn.