xylopoet

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ … ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~  My band swooped into the gap my lover left.  Where our daily talks once were, I streamed an album instead. In your absence in the home, I watched music videos. In the void from our routines and activities now gone, I replaced our time following up with my first real love affair - myself in relation to my damn jams yall.  It’s obvious the band this whole story is about, yet, get me right!: there’s many, many more loves of mine through musical arts. Look, it’s as simple as this: i Like a lot of music. i Love my Favorite band. It’s me being Green. And Purple. It’s the stars. And the sun n moon. It’s the best supporting castmates. And the lead(s). We’re the world. We are the self. Interaction. I.  Essentially, my point is while all of my music plays a vital part in the makeup of who I am on the same playing field, this playing extends beyond the brims of where that music can be heard, and into the force deriv...

It was the destruction of “Jade’s Cult”, aka Jetpack, which was an implosion leading me emotionally astray from my then partner and our mutual best friend. A hole in my heart formulated when my safety in this trio got threatened by an metaphoric earthquake in our home. This was really a catalyst which broke me down, but yet again, my perseverance and attachment to myself in relation to my tribe, would steer me afloat. There’s tearing down a dream, and then there’s watching a dream fall.  My boyfriend and I were residing in my mom’s apartment when my babysitting gig was going well, so we decided to get a place. In January 2021, we had been on lockdown together the entire time. The financial situation of my bf was one red flag I didn’t disqualify him for, in the name of love over money, but this theme would be to my detriment time and time again. Plus, really- heyman, thanks for saving my life. I mean, your enabling and lack of emotional availability initially is why I got lost in a ...

I rang in my dirty thirties with a transformative, ceremonious event. Every birthday is notable, a celebration of oneself, and meant to be with family and friends as a memorial for your experience. & there is something extra significant in the dawning of a new decade. As 2021 was most famously “when the world reopened” after a year of quarantine, I turned 30 with the optimism of a place feeling like year 1 AD, especially because my story with being sober really launched around this time. By the time you’re 30, you oughta have personal anecdotes so unique and profound, your blend of youthful zest and learned maturity should be the source in which you thrive. You gotta be done blaming your parents for things, hold yourself accountable for every decision, and surround yourself with folks who look good on you, from the inside out. Since the bonanza that was my 23rd bday surprise party, there wasn’t a candle in the wind that could be held close. I had a few years of dinners with my twin...

It feels to me like California is a promised-land of sorts, populated by folks who “got out” of one place and lifestyle to create an improved way of being. I’ve experienced the culture during my time there, and one aspect of it is that it’s a state of “transplants”- made up of many who’ve moved and settled to level-up in a new beginning. It’s not like in my hometown, where 99% of everyone you know is born, raised, and stays there.  A big regional component of CA is the art of standup comedy. Which exists nationwide, but is the specialty brand of SoCal. In comedy clubs where i found myself, as my intention of landing in town, i discovered a norm being people sharing stories about their former lives as prologue to their restart on the famous sunshine coast.  I graduated high school in 2010; we had cool t-shirts that read, “SEN10RS”. It was then that I left the fishbowl high school boxes us into. My performative student role had been lifted, thus i could start adulting in a more ...

 I wrote this standup comedy set for an open mic tomorrow night. Ty. Good evening. Philadelphia, it’s a pleasure to be here. City of brotherly love, gotta appreciate that. It’s cool being from here, and having been born here with my twin brother. It’s as though the intelligent designer was like, why not make one genetically a brother half, and place her in the city themed that. And i am all like alright, just give me a tall ass body & i’ll be shooting some bball outside of the school.  I did grow up on a basketball team. And as i comic, perpetuating stereotypes is a top hobby of mine. Its funny because in social settings, occasionally a comment will come up about how i am kind of giant, and someone will ask, “dO you play basketball?”. I never get offended, but another person in the circle always tenses up, overly sensitive, and gives off the vibe like, “oh no… are you saying that all blacks are rappers, all asians are manicurist, and all tall people are basketballers.” And...

An absolute fact is that rare diseases aren’t rare. This was the first year, World Schizophrenia Day, appeared in my newsfeed from twitter.com. May 24th is apparently recognized as an awareness day for the estimated 1% of the population diagnosed with the medical condition. Now, where National Taco Day has regularly shown up on my timeline, it is clear that fun holidays are one thing, and on the other hand we shape society’s inclusive revolution. I walked out of psychology college to intentionally change my position in the field. I don’t wanna be on the “normal” side of this… i wanna carry on with my tiny spark of madness! You mustn’t lose your talents, as you owe them to yourself to create and fulfill an enjoyable role in your existence. I couldn’t help but to feel my fingers needing to ditch this frat party to write down the poetry my mind began hearing as a result of learning about life in class during the day, and having the lesson echo each night in my social settings. Feeling lik...

Taken soul got out of the box again, my friends, when  i broke your brains in claiming my name’s The Lovechild of  do re me & fa so la and ti do too. what’s happening, captain, oh my,  body’s tied high to a red balloon  in the wild let me free; set me back; to where the grass is my kind of green. checkpoint / halfway house do you actually mean everything you seem…  is the rarity we see just a split dream…  holy mole you better believe these barefeet scream across every damn scene thanks for the memories but what  i’m jaded from is for running towards our spirits sworn real deal.  would the cold in your turkey turn those feet another way…  could the chicken she wears as a hat at the farmers market mean you need anything there but blue & yellow air between her ears keeping her smile alive, grateful for the  love i know today… listen, guys, you can take the night out of the girl to fairly let them experience a world but nothing can ...

Aawwwhere it goes: doing the ritual: wake up and write. 10 years in the making and counting. Twisted reality is that my wellness practices excel me in some areas of life at the sacrifice of other important elements of being alive. I do love creative storytelling, clearly spending a lot of time/energy on producing my artwork. As we all experience lack in some departments due to excelling in others, my balance has literally always been off from too much toxic independence.  The kid who learned by letdowns became a superhero. And that’s sad! At the age of 23, i read a book about eastern philosophy’s concept of interdependence. It influenced my line of reasoning. But while i could logicalize it’s factual role in universal livelihood, i had no trustworthy experiences of it, or serious reason showing me this concept exemplified in how i go about my living. Regardless, i always kept this word in the back of mind. Interdependence was a fantasy of mine. Survival of the fittest. Hard work pa...

i am in freaking disneyland, building a monument to my delusional thinking. as usual. what doesn’t make any sense is the current state of affairs with respect to my totality. im tired of subscribing to any force against my real happiness. wtfuuuckk literally stop energizing the sick cycles and they disappear. does that notion qualify me to waste my time stuck in feeding the business of brokenness? guess what i don’t wanna work with that organization. when my freedoms are violated due to fronting like i believe in applying for Disability, I feel terribly false at heart. i don’t want $1300 a month settlement. i want my birthright: loving life. You can’t herd me! Heard that? I photosynthesize. I meditate. I make art. I have people alive who legitimately are won by who i am authentically. Do i “need help” holy shyt get that toxic sentiment outta my brain. all i do is overcome obstacles and prove my value with my words and actions.  my mom is not it, chief. she triggers this whole situa...