xylopoet

I go on one therapeutic woods walk, and suddenly, everything changes. It is now obvious that I’m NOT reuniting with my former partner. I’m on medication for delusional thoughts. Ever since I quit toking grass, I was under a spell; it was a falsehood. It’s not a big deal. This is just the ride. I’ve processed a lot of trauma and: it is the fact that I am done with him. I realize two hours ago, I was writing about inviting him back and thinking that was our destiny. But it’s not. That’s just a stupid idea I had in my schizoaffective disorder. Moving right along.  I’m not going to delete the previous postsfrom the past 3 weeks because it’s important my readers understand the whole story. The juicy details of this live-action journal show is the content you’re subscribing to. The more I write out about my past, the more it remains in my past. This is powerful healing. My intuitive dialogues have started saying, “okay, now you’re over him and it is not reality for a reconnection.” Again...

All’s well that ends well. This start of my story says that my therapist appointment went quite excellent. I processed a ton of negative emotions, &, blossomed in my maturity. I spoke about how my senses are a driving source building my future. A brilliant future that mustn't have residual remnants of the impurities my partnership had in it during previous eras. In order for that to be the case, I must state my boundaries. No phone addiction, no sketchy people, no misinformation fed to me. Only honesty in Truth, acting in accordance with our shared heartsong. I hated being submissive to a power imbalance, but hey, what is the best improv actress supposed to be, when the alternative is much worse. I didn’t wanna lose one of my many Loves, until I did, then I gained the clarity necessary to keep on carrying on. I’m serious when I say my ex’s cell phone was pistol whipped out to me, and I hated being a member of the intentional community. Too many troubled people infected our harm...

Today, I have an online meeting with my therapist. In my diary, I’d like to share what I will be sharing in session. This is so my partnership is clear from past negative trauma, and I can return to my intrinsic state of being a lover of life.  What’s going on with me is that once I quit smoking, my intuition has delivered me the news that a reunion with my partner is in the making. That is in fact what is meant for me, in the purpose of my life story. It’s excellent, as floating in and out of our togetherness has been a theme for quite some time, and I wanna be ready to let bygones be bygones. In order to do that, tho, I must rant on here for a bit. The style of our partnership was simple - I will say, “yes and” to any and everything, as we make our ways through our shared world. And I proved my worth in that, even when times were stupid. What really happened at the instance of our falling out, was that the one narrative he kept feeding me about his solo poly lifestyle got way out...

I’ve been scrolling through my past timelines and diaries, reminiscing fondly on how good memories are all I have. I mean, I only make positive expressions of my heart, and that’s reflective in my poetic narratives and photography. That’s the key to enjoying life - create the joy you wish the world to be. Be the reason you believe in Life as Love. I got uplifting messages early in existence and pursued them in my journey. Now, I have bouquets of heavenly material to carry me through this walk of breathing time.  I’m still out of what to say. Is there anything left to tell? The universe takes care of my nature so I know I am in good hands. I’m racking my brain for what to write. I have shed my scorpion cloak to a new condition; I am proud to declare that all I’m doing is waiting for my new apartment to come through. Until then, it’s nothing for me here. Yesterday I said this. Now echoing myself like the polly parrot bird owl I am. When I am settled into my new place, the one that be...

feminist quote “I am at my clit’s end. [wits end]” Today, it’s not that I am really confused or worried any more… Praise the lawd, my education and experience over the course of time have alleviated me from my female hysteria. I am, however, at a crossroads of my jaded state. I’m honestly bored with drawing sigils, as my points are clear and well received. And I feel out of topics to write about, since my ideas have all been expressed. Do you realize I’ve been doing this now for my entire life, literally… I’m just vibing for my next era. The boredom is engulfing me. When there is nothing left to say, what do I do? I’ve gone on a milli woods walks and runs, feel satiated by music, have no place to go and no one to see… this is truly a simple little kind of free. But my in between dreams time here at my mothers apartment is a fact of my life. Whether I want it or not, it is what it is. There’s a difference between being in Transcendental Meditation and being lazy. I don’t wanna rest on t...

“To love someone is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be.”                                                                                                                                  -Proverb  I was devastated when I had to drop off my wardrobe at thrift shops around Jersey. My old clothes don’t fit like they once did, hanging like ghosts, of the people I’ve been. My modeling outfits, my multiple identities in one, all my beloved desires gone when I had to squeeze my life into my moms one bedroom apartment, post breakthrough. The green corduroy jacket I wore my first night doing standup comedy; my tye-dye vans shoes; my unique dresses ...

Oak wearing you oh so well sharing auras in heaven or hell before this shore you score  fine fruit but my title pursuit:  your sweetest, lil angel dude. feel it real number one, hon she sees stars from the past yet I always knew all that love you do could still ring true; every time rose eyes bleam blue, orange, pink and green everything you seem could be my fantasy our real deal, my moonbeam. want you to play all your songs in one show with me, dripping paint stains in the sky we breathe, with some poetry acting like our backyard won a Grammy. i learn daily them teachers told us we’d sport a win with halo twins & discover that boo as the fin my hair swims in. i think you’re like ink my pens pour & the tint this flesh’s for you are every ring within  my bone home proving this day and age rippling as many marks on her heart spelling start with art & our part, these times we're casting shines between all lines so behind closed doors Truth is: i’m all yours.

Tone-Tune it was the world who slipped away and those that stayed let our planet take your brain; he spoke a very first word two due to the power behind the syllables - want you. i do not think therefore i am not; we got locked down love, latching anchors to halos above; we are a bird concert worms spinning in dirt sewn stories from the scare we wear since breathtaking luck... waking up it’s that time you said you wanted to be the beauty in the breaking down legit earthquake grounds shaking sounds as though i never know what i know, i don’t care equally as we let go; the glove-full of times i’ve cried, i just wanna be where Love is alive. they are the intro to my mixtape mornings and the fade out we blare  when freedom is where you’ve got nothing left to lose and I belong to you.

United   deeper reasons the desert misses the rain are found in excavating the clouds surrounding her hair; redder roses could not be the cosmic seas her pupils dwell in; & higher dreams would see their silhouettes within reach. mornings feel real with showers by my hands, i am waves waking our bodies as conscious seas, like a moonchild in the wild always here reeling in your stratosphere. we are the echos of love’s curse crafting castles on and inside your chest our hearts reside in your headspace hotel ever since our safe crash there for the night, man your little glam cottagecore campsite right from the city of brotherly mud i will build my home in your arms with my own bones so you know my verbose veins run on you jet train soul stunning for two come out, stay tuned and believe you me this sea of air we breathe is world peace.

Ways when a fly lands on you you’re the one it stopped to smell the flowers on. lips dry, even if i lose my mind we’re on the same side so walk all you like but memories swim in your strut. gracious fall winter crawl the grateful gate and her blank slate found her crown in the trash but we don’t talk about the past. measuring the intangible the weight in a days play where people change yet their colors remain their name my brain, and their reign my game; where worlds end our path begins because she says so so i shine on in two shiners who, only so holy, see all of you. i seldom speak politics but this has got to be said- bang! pots & pans and, smash the patriarchy like a pack of new cigs on your palm, bomb your tv and be free baby! no bloodthirst and this needs to be heard- bye bye so american pie hello tonight’s believers that day, the music never died.

Expressions as intricate your experience in experiments with love and the like, are mine. and i hear your hair with my hands standing there auras pouring  rays, waves, rapids  between us thus all else dark but our activated hearts. amid cosmic seas you’re all i see vast the mountainous plains high the skylines   such beautified backdrops  aligning to accentuate  our embodiment where the deep forest feels honor in our presence there; we compliment the earth each peachy dawn we dazzle on. say anything in piercing silence to alleviate body language so good my mind’s all gone the night we’re on nothing but eye  contact high air hugging words  pouring out that mouth  same veins within sleeves and scribbled ink which reads  leave your beliefs at the door.  shine like the stars sent you here in a ticking transition  we’re never alone; always in position reminiscing on the nights  done right everlasting in our minds. we’re in...

Boomerang courage ablaze by the moonlight bright and righteous  on a track of thought so real reality shifts; you’ve heard of down to earth girls but me oh my i’m out of this world: they say you are miss. down to mars. come the morning i’ll come back down, &, around, and we can  play the young card for as possibly long until youth is all gone then look back to regard our devious selves  aligned all along.  ages after  our laughter echoes in my bones, it takes but once for my tears to become  catalysts to your arms, evoking my return home. though we praise the barefoot heels in the grass for setting our feels high, though we thank the curled balloons  in the basket for getting our world by, really it’s my in between dreams time until i climb elapsed to find myself center those arms again.  

Wondering i am wondering about you wondering about me entertaining ideas of what we could be does she feel a fantasy advancing in my dancing would we share magnetic hands upon a time embracing more than one beautiful mind; should these double spirits find twins in each other’s third eyes as their sagas align and the stars provide proof of truth, we adhere to the rise up rather than fall into Love. let it be - our dreams a reality our family a bonsai tree & every note a melody playing parts of our shared heart split myriads of ways only to come together in one piece now the peace i find in you(s).

Catalyst you inquire  why i’m  on fire; i smile turn around and fly; as a phoenix on the rise, i’ve  made virtue of my peculiarities  into a mindset of prosperity. they might right be the next best thing but not quite me this sole rosey perspective  proving the rest is perfect enough. shine on, diamonds in the rough stay true, a lily in the mud we love- like a bike balanced in motion we fall- human emotion slides but still we rise- knowing Now is power, our shower from the divine is  Time, & i’m your only home. a born again Californian in the garden  state of mind   where time is only mine and i am on your side ever on this ride. i learned to think and since then have been a critic a cynic  a chick who can win the game of love spades hearts  diamonds clubs among a midnight sun or moonlit dawn i’m someone never gone. if there’s one thing about me honey, i notice everything like dust in an eye honestly, know this my silence is a r...

Mountain among totality this moment won your priority; in every possibility  we are exactly where we’re meant to be. easily reality  seemingly could take shape  from the power of  embodying good  so i keep my head in the clouds  and this heart tuned loud i turn up and drop out but never let them see a frown in the age of eternal now im shining because  you never let the curtain down holding onto love we found.   tonight is the night with two wolves inside three eyes for sight and one truth of all time: this moment costs the memories made emotions blast then fade and every blade  of grass bright green seems so since the light it needs  is half nature’s course as laissez faire  as dawn to dusk and half the force  from someone’s care robust enough to dance in a drought until the rain pours down we’ve got floods now thus the dance becomes a swim that’s another win. adaptation, innovation, improvisation they say it’s lonely at ...

GM; It’s good to be here. No lyrics better speak to my spirit than the art from my favorite band. Afterall, what makes music great is the manner in which it captivates our own essences. Whether you think the songs you hear are about you or not, you’re right! I think I can, therefore, I am. And when I can’t even, the way I walk is odd. The power of melodies matched with personal anecdotes is the action of my favorite band, and simultaneously the responsibility of fans. By this I mean, spectator sports have been traded for interactive plays. We are “Krishna In Drag”, making the audience the reason for the music; thus without, there is no band in the first place. This interdependence is the dance of humanity. Ram Dass is one of my heroes. His lecture recordings are who I credit some of my greatness to. Alan Watts, and Dakota Wint, folks from that era of “woke youtube” are the influences capturing my heartsong. While true to their nature, as their bodies have passed, it is their legacy whi...

I’m just so American with my routines. Nutrition is important. There is a lot of information, and misinformation, about how to nurture our bodies and minds. Our homeostasis is designed to feel good. What’s good for you is not one universal concept, upon our beautifully diverse planet. All manner of influences make up our decisions about how to live with respect to consumption - culture, accessibility, pricing, and most vital - your own ideas behind your actions. For me, I identify as a cawwffee-person. I’ll always revere in a positive light when the supplement was implemented into my daily life. At age 19, when I began working at a youth fitness center, I would pop into a Wawa on the way to my new found and loved career. I liked it with creamer back then, but then transformed it into black once I remembered extra calories were not my forte. I remember the energy it delivered, and the pleasant mood sustenance I got from my morning enjoyment of a tall cup. Appropriate and approved in the...

The time has presented itself for me to land in my own place to call home. I’m hype! This story begins in a magical place we named Rose Cove. One day I came back from being a babysitter to a new location my partner sent me to.  “You get a new house!!” He declared in a game show voice. I remember it was a lightly snowy day in February 2k21. I had been researching places for us to land for a few months, to no avail. Something mysterious and magical about my partner’s ability to maneuver credit cards/scores qualified us for this single family cottage. I never ask any questions, just smile and wave. There was a Woods Walk across the street, a cross country course surrounding a lake where people go fishing. We would do laps around there literally about a thousand times over the course of 3ish years residing there. Jetpack was the name of the trifecta of people living there, and Rose Cove was the name of the building. Our tiny “community”, funded by our entrepreneurship with twisting bal...

Swinging an inning in a diamond lawn so far gone from the ones I know so close to the one I love, you are the home  I call my own. Among freedom ringing you hear me swimming in that bedhead somewhere, nowhere, now and holy cows, know we do possession like the ghost in my bones the hosts of my shows that flow with them rose again, my friends it’s all for yall  the King bees of her hive surprise - these Queens still alive. More than one time I’ve come to find anxieties, the sillies  as most of the fear is totally unreal. Only once upon a time moon-kissed by the divine shining, howling, rallying for them to be all mine wherein we’re renewed, we belong; Together, evermore cutie, i choose thee…  now hiring healers or real deal feeler sealers it’s me, back on track, off the wall long ago has me sooo returning for a continued go. Don’t quit, do it; just snap back  as though our saga’s superlative;  what it was, who we were when she/he likes me for me not because...

I’m metal. I once listened to a lot of melodic hardcore music. And I still do. In fact, I was so metal back in the day, my style was a cut up jeans and a black band t-shirt. Even wore paint-stained, double layer red flannels, to reflect my inner selfhood. I am just so emo with my haircut and punk with my taste.  I don’t have any unhealthy behaviors, in fact in all of my settings, I am always exemplifying the nurture of my spirit. That spirit changes over the course of my lessons, yet, timeless is the essential nature of who I am at the core. Centrally, I am themed by my artistic admiration, adoration, affinity for David, Shana, Todd. I have been washed in the mind and soul by their unwavering Supportive Luv. I’m just like doing what I said I’m gonna do here. A bond so real, reality ain’t got nothing on me. One thing about the love I have lived in is it is not the heights of the love i’ve grown to know. Remember what we have been - warriors for peace opposed to peacekeepers. Going t...